Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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