when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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