guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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