And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
