I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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