Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
