At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
