so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
