Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
