Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
