Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
