In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
