Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
