have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
