There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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