Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
