Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
