the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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