Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
