Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
