Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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