he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
