He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
