my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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