I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
