Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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