I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize