listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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