she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
