Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
