I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
