and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
