Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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