saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she told me i tasted like america
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
