Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
