Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
