u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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