Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
