yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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