I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
