You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
