A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
