proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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