just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
