i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
