My room smells like vodka and shame
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
