She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
