i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize