remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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