I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
