quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
