I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
