I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize