hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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