I'm drive I can fine osifer
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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