dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
