needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
