So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
