He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
