she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
