I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
