you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
