I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
