I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
