I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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